How to Write a Great Hook for Your Common Application Personal Statement
Your Common Application personal statement is a chance to showcase who you are in a compelling way. One of the most important elements of your essay is the hook—the opening few sentences that grab the reader's attention and draw them in. Let's explore one effective strategy for creating a hook using the "show, don't tell" principle.
Showing vs. Telling
A key to writing an effective hook is "showing" rather than "telling." As the great playwright and short story author Anton Chekhov said, "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." Use sensory language (sight, sound, touch, etc.) to paint a picture and immerse the reader in your story. Show the scene so the reader experiences the moment with you.
How to Write a Great Hook
Use Sensory Language: Great hooks appeal to the reader's senses. Describe what you saw, felt, or heard in the moment you're recounting.
Paint a Picture: Rather than summarizing, show the reader a scene. For instance, instead of saying, "I was nervous to ski for the first time," describe how your feet dragged in heavy boots or how the icy wind felt on your face.
Let the Reader Infer: Don't give everything away in your opening. Let the reader make inferences about your feelings, growth, or the significance of the moment based on the scene you've described.
Keys to "Showing" in Your Hook
To successfully "show" in your hook, recall vivid details from your memory. Tiny, seemingly insignificant details can make a scene come alive. For example, imagine you're recalling a childhood argument between your parents when you were eight years old. Instead of focusing solely on the argument, you could also include small details, like this:
“I sat at the kitchen table, my hands wrapped around a glass of milk. Mom and Dad’s voices grew louder, but my eyes stayed on the clock shaped like a cat above the stove. Its tail swished back and forth, keeping time with each tick and tock, almost in rhythm with the argument unraveling around me.”
This example highlights how even small details, like the cat-shaped clock, can ground the scene in reality and invite the reader to infer the emotional impact without explicitly stating "I was scared" or "I felt anxious." These specific details enrich your writing and help the reader see the scene through your eyes. For help finding moments like this from your own life, try "The I Remember" writing exercise.
Applying These Principles to a Real Student’s Hook
Let's look at an example of a hook that uses the "show, don't tell" technique:
“I put on my ski boots and take my first step in the snow. My six-year-old foot feels like it’s dragging an anchor. My toes are squished in my boots and - walking like a penguin - I waddle into the cold wind. Standing at the top of the beginner’s slope, I see snow-capped mountains in the distance at eye level. I lean forward and push with my ski poles. Gravity works its magic, and I pick up speed. The wind that made me complain to my grandfather now reminds me that I am flying. Suddenly, before I finish exulting in the exhilaration of my first run, a shallow rut traps my skis and I take my first epic tumble. I will later fall countless times under the tutelage of my grandfather, a veteran skier, who grew up surrounded by snowy mountains in Nagano, Japan. ”
Why This Hook Works
Instead of saying, "I learned to ski at a young age," the writer places us in the scene, making us feel the weight of the boots and the cold wind. The imagery of "walking like a penguin" and "dragging an anchor" makes the scene relatable, and the cold wind and squished toes bring the reader into the moment and the mind of the young is both unique but relatable. The grandiose imagery of the snow capped peaks is awe inspiring and we are completely transported to this magical setting and the heart pumping excitement of a young child’s first run down a ski slope. This incomparable moment is shattered, though, when the writer falls down—an experience everyone will be able to relate to, whether they ski or not. By combining a unique (and stunning) scene with an experience that is all-too-relatable, the author successfully hooks readers and leaves them excited to begin the second paragraph.
Conclusion
Writing a great hook means showing, not telling. Use sensory language to paint a vivid picture and help the reader experience the moment. This will make your essay memorable and engaging.
Remember, your personal statement is your opportunity to let your unique voice and experiences stand out. A well-crafted hook sets the tone for your story, drawing in the reader and keeping them interested. No matter how big or small the moment, specific details can make your essay feel personal and authentic.
Crafting the perfect hook can be tough, but you don’t have to do it alone. For personalized feedback—from refining your hook to polishing your conclusion—consider speaking with an expert essay coach.
Ready to take your essay to the next level? Sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with one of our experienced essay coaches today. Together, we'll work on making your personal statement as compelling and unique as you are.